Don't Be That Guy...

Fantasy sports participants are a bunch of nerds. I run my own baseball league, participate in two others, run my own football league, and participate in two others. I've dabbled in fantasy hockey and fantasy NASCAR. I even tried fantasy golf once. The fact that I can tell you what positions Ty Wigginton is eligible for (1B, 2B, 3B), but I still can't remember my Dad's birthday (Feb 17th sounds about right) is an indictment on just how big of a fantasy nerd I can be.

Draft day banter and message board insults are some of the most stimulating conversations I ever have with my friends. But with each fantasy league I've participated in, there's always "that one guy." He always does something that irks you and takes a stab and the integrity of the league. So with that in mind and with Fantasy Baseball draft season approaching, I've compiled a list of "that guys" you should all try to avoid being...

• The "Homer" - I get it, you like the Phillies. But Raul Ibanez isn't a valid 2nd round pick.

• The "Rule Bender" - Listen, I'm sure if you study the rulebook closely enough you'll find some sort of loophole in the rules. But don't exploit them... just play the game straight up. There's no pride in winning a race if you throw your own grandmother under the bus to get there. 

• "Loyal to a Fault" Guy -  I realize Ken Griffey Jr. was your boyhood idol and you can still squeeze into that tattered size medium Mariners jersey, but the guy has been irrelevant since 2005.

• "Donation Guy" - If you're not going to pay attention to the league, don't bother drafting a team. Just give me $20 and I'll find someone else to take your place... or I'll just keep your $20

• The "Quitter" - It's a 162 game season. If your team is in the crapper in June, you still have 3 months to get things figured out. At least make a play for 3rd place!

• "No Preparation" Guy - If you're that hard up for time and money that you can't drop $7.99 for a magazine or stop by the public library to browse the internet for some tips before the draft (instead of internet porn), then already in over your head.

• "Wait, he's Injured?" Guy - You're in the same boat as "No Prep" guy. Trevor Hoffman is retired, Stephen Strasburg is out until September, and Ken Caminiti is still dead (too soon?)

• "Way Too Serious" Guy - It's fantasy baseball, not a NATO summit.

• The "Co-Conspirators" - I find it more than suspicious that your "uncle" wanted to drop Albert Pujols mid season and you were there to pick him up off waivers 8.3 seconds later.

• "Missed The Rule Change" Guy - Dude, check your email. We made that rule change 4 months ago! 

• The "No-Show" - If you finish in dead last, you are obligated to stand before your constituents and take whatever ribbing they give you. It says so in the Bible. 

• "Non-Payment" Guy - Don't take advantage of the commish because we're friends outside the league. Pay up, sucka... just don't try to hand me $50 for transaction money while we're already 6 beers deep at the bar! 

• The "Spy" - If you're looking for a second opinion, I'll gladly give you one... but if I catch you checking out my list of cheap closers you shall be hung for treason.

• "Takes Too Long To Draft" Guy - Okay, that one's probably me... 

Hopefully my own fantasy league guys will read up... you know which one you are!